Your presence absorbs the air around me, making it difficult to breath…..choking, suffocating on your tired words, dwelling in your negative space, drains me of my dreams. Any happiness escapes through the gaping wound that you will not allow to heal. There is no freedom, from the relentless torture, created by my own thoughts. The words you speak rarely show any truth on your face, only dull, tired, predictable utters of your own unreliable combination.  Remarkably, I pretend to believe them, only out of the fear of being totally alone, fear of not being loved, fear of not being wanted.  Is your so-called love better than being alone and free? I don’t know…. I have never given that a fair chance, I find myself longing for you. You fill a void that remains empty without you. It’s cold and dark, lonely, and unbearable, but what is this existence by your side? Happiness for a short while? only to be followed by the same predictable actions and spawns of negativity that is produced by your genetic makeup.  Generations of pain are instilled in your actions, taking is all you know, giving only to receive, like a lost little boy sitting in the corner that nobody wanted.  We share a similar pain, one that pulled me in with tremendous force, the pain of rejection, I recognized it from the start.  We fail each other, every day, because neither of us is capable of loving fully, we stop just short of the cliff, refusing to fly. We are the closest thing we KNOW to be REAL…. but there is always one last step, that never gets taken.  Isn’t it safe here? Dwelling on the edge of not caring, or at least telling ourselves that we do not? So easy to throw our hands up and walk away, but it is only temporary. The NEED and hunger for understanding rebounds and ignites what is left of our hearts, our hearts that are still bound together…. bound together, by love forever.

Jaime’s Voice

2017