As time passes by certain things change. It’s like watching myself from a distance and seeing my own mistakes. Outgrowing someone can be painful yet bring a certain freedom that creates renewed life. It is hard to look at a person that you once believed in so much and see them in a totally different light. Love is definitely blind, Love, what does that word truly mean anyway?

Love is hurt, love is laughter, love is learning but most of all love is part of life. I sit in my room, sealed in my little comfort bubble where I mostly stay, and I wonder why I feel so all alone. I live in a coated shell, a totally different person on the inside that I show on the outside. Inside there is turmoil that I refuse to let anyone else see. There is hurt, resentment, forgiveness, things I can’t even remember but I know is there that haunts me. The loneliness I face everyday lives inside me like a hollow space, longing for whatever it is that is supposed to make me whole. I keep reaching for wherever it is that I belong, but I keep reaching into the darkness, never grasping anything, just searching endlessly. Dreams are just dreams, ridiculous fantasies that will never come true.

My soul wanders the world inside my mind searching for the place I will find peace, but there is none. Where did I come from? Where will I end up? Who will I become? So much sadness, unexplained and unresolved within my conscience. Why can’t I reach it? That person I want to be? The one that is nobody’s fool and the one that doesn’t have to hurt? Life just goes on, day-to-day in its common pattern, nothing exciting, nothing new, just the dreams of yesterdays past and tomorrow’s future, that linger overhead like gloom on a cloudy day. It is not all bad. If we keep telling ourselves there is a reason, there is hope, there is happiness, maybe the darkness will divide and the light will show itself, at least within our own subconscious and some form of peace and sense of being will come to play. Until then, I will keep wandering the world inside my head, searching for the place I can call home.