What do you do when you wake up one day and reality decides to trip you as you get out of bed? Things are SO easy to handle when they don’t involve your heart, your kids, the one’s you would give your life for. I’ve given and given until I have nothing left, I take from myself constantly, so others can have some of the things they want that just might make them happy…but it doesn’t make them happy, it just makes them want more, then when there is no more, it causes anger and resentment. I realize this is my own fault, my own fault for always giving, and never making them work for the things they want, because I felt guilty, guilty for the times there was barely a Christmas, barely anything to eat, the times when the water or the electricity got cut off, or the times when birthdays couldn’t be what they should have been. As a parent I tried to make up for those times by giving all I had when I DID have something, and in doing that, I failed. I failed at teaching responsibility, I failed at teaching self-worth, and the value of accomplishments in stead of just “things”, I failed at making them believe in themselves because I always did everything for them. Its my fault that they are now adults, and miserable, still at home, lacking for what they truly need, not material things, material things only mask the true needs of the person on the inside. I’m sorry I failed on those things, I was giving with my heart, giving with all my love, not using my head, not using tough love. Tough love, not sure I am capable of doing that, because my heart breaks too easily when it comes to them. I hope I can find a way to dig myself up out of this hole I have dug, and I hope they can find the rope I left for them at the top of the hole, because I can no longer drop it down and pull them up…they must figure out how to get the rope for themselves, and pull themselves up. As for me, I might as well just put it around my neck and jump off the side…..it’s too late to change what I already didn’t do.